Dirty 30s, the word "ice", and 25oz. cans...what do they all have in common? You can find all of them on the bottom rack at your local beer store and at the bottom of the barrel on Beer Advocate. What's incredible is that Beer Advocate actually ranks the worst beers according to user reviews, making it easy to find out what to avoid like the plague. After looking at this list, I got creative (if you can call it that) and compiled the best reviews of the worst beers that Beer Advocate has to offer.
And look, I know that Bud Light isn't trying to be good. It is what it is, a crappy light beer that you can crush again and again and again at tailgates, frat parties and camping trips. But with the recent deals and steals that Anheuser-Busch has drummed up over the past few weeks, I have no problem getting in a few easy jabs. Let's start, shall we?
1. Miller Genuine Draft 64 - 1.5/5
"As if MGD isn't bad enough, they introduce Miller Lite. As if Miller Lite isn't bad enough, they create this abomination, which is to beers what the McNugget is to cuisine.
Pours a pale yellow, hydrated urine color, just like most AAL's. Very little head without an aggressive pour, and even the head you do get is wasted beer. No lacing or head retention to speak of. Smells like metal shavings and a bit of hay. Tastes like it looks: hydrated urine. Finishes heavily carbonated. Terrible beer. Absolutely terrible. Not recommended." - TheCondor, Jul 22, 2014
TheCondor has some good points here. Namely that you can pick apart the two distinct aromas in here of metal shavings and hay, without succumbing to the lip-smackingly delicious taste of hydrated (at least it's not dehydrated I guess) urine.
2. Budweiser Select 55 - 1.74/5
Being #2 in the ratings in the San Diego television news market is already tough enough, but WesMantooth also made the poor decision to try Budweiser Select 55 as well. Not sure whether he hated it though. He either he really hates the beer or really loves his cat.
3. Bud Light Clamato Chelada - 1.78/5
"Someone left this in my fridge. Poured into a tulip, massive puke pink head. Smells like... Something I shouldn't be drinking. Tons of carbonation. Maybe to cover up the taste of whatever industrial jug of clam juice they used in this gem of a beer. Tastes like tomato.... But it's maybe just tomato flavoring and menstruation concentrate mixed with bud light... And im not sure what the worst part of that is. Buy this beer. 25oz, hell yea." -AlanLamp, Jul 04, 2016
This review is pure gold. It gives such a vivid sensory description of what sucking down one of these Cheladas is like, sparing absolutely zero graphic detail. I think the "25oz, hell yea" at the end, (dripping with sarcasm and industrial clam juice) perfectly sums up how awesome AlanLamp's review really is.
4. Natural (Natty) Light - 1.82/5
"well first off, let me start by saying that I'm in a frat that makes me automatically qualified to be an expert on beer. I like to get fucked up. Period. Ive been drinking since I've been thirteen, and I'm fucked up right now. good beer" - iluvbeer420, Oct 20, 2015
As if his handle didn't give it away, iluvbeer420 states that he's a true beer connoisseur when it comes to drinking in a house not suitable for human living. The fact that he's been drinking since 7th grade is alarming. But the fact that he was drunk while writing the review is a solid testament to just how much he loves this beer...I hope. Kudos iluvbeer420.
5. Michelob Ultra - 1.85/5
"I drink this while working out, climbing mountains, running marathons, scuba diving in the south pacific, racing my yacht, winning the tour de france, putting decals on my WRX, fly fishing in Mongolia, paragliding from the top of Mt Everest, trading stocks on the NYSE, telling you I graduated from the University of Michigan, and numerous other elite activities." - Fizzer, Mar 28, 2017
Ahh, now Fizzer knows how to make the Michelob Ultra commercials come to life. He really sounds like an elite kinda guy that I'd want to share a Mich Ultra with.
6. Corona Light - 1.85/5
Straightforward and to the point.
7. Bud Light - 1.93/5
Now that's just cruel. Why would you want to make someone potentially drink a Bud Light?
8. Busch Light - 1.96/5
"dis ber is sweg as hack
This is by far my favorite one on the list. Unfortunately this is the only review ThugNicka has written to date. I really wish he could review other brews out there with "beer flavor".
9. Keystone Light - 1.99/5
"Think back to a time when you were buying a drink at a gas station and had to go back to your car to get change because the money you had in your hand wasn't enough? Got it? Okay, no hold that mindset. A 30 pack of Keystone Lights will run you approximately $15 American dollars, averaging out to 1 beer for every $0.50. $0.50 fucking cents. Barging for you your buck? Say fucking less. Now enough with the tomfoolery, let's get to the taste. Like the town it's brewed in, a mouthful of Keystone Light tastes like God's breastmilk raining down and filling every man's beer cup with golden deliciousness. The smell may be deceiving, like a fox, but don't let that shit fool you, the taste is killerrrrrrrrrrr. The look of this draft reminds me of the day after a heavy bender, and I'm taking a piss, and when I look down I realize I'm hydrated as fuck. I'd still drink it though, no doubt in my beer drinkin' mind. Minimal burps with this brew also, so she's smooth as a baby's bottom going down. It'll get ya dancin' like a cat on a hot tin roof. Paul likes it too. So yea. 3.5/5 stars." - OGcancrusher212, Apr 13, 2017
This one is long, but it's so chock full of ridiculous analogies you don't even notice. For example, I bet you hadn't thought of what God's breastmilk tasted like until now...am I right? The ending also has one of the most Shyamalanian twists I've ever read. Who is Paul? Why is his endorsement so concrete? Why after ALL THAT PRAISE did you only give it 3.5/5 stars?! We love you OGcancrusher212...don't you ever change.
10. Natural (Natty) Ice - 2.01/5
"This beer is horrible. Tastes like battery acid. I had this and a miller lite side by side. The miller was miles better than this. This is the worst of the cheap beers, and one can also assume that means it is the worst beer on the market, which it is. Horrible beer which only is sold for high school and college partys. Rest assured though this beer does its job: to get people drunk and laid." - ikihi, May 28, 2013
A very balanced review here. On the one hand it tastes like battery acid...on the other hand it gets you drunk and laid. If you don't know how you want your night to go, this review can really help you make a decisive life choice.
We hope you enjoyed reading! Now get out there and either brew your own or drink something good, craft and local. Life's too short to drink shitty beer!